Most people have sex in beds. This makes sense. Beds are horizontal. They have comfortable sheets. A bedroom is generally private. So why are so many people interested in having uncomfortable, challenging and potentially embarrassing intercourse in other locations?
“Because it’s AWESOME…”
…At least that’s what we’re told.
But is it awesome? Below are four places reputed to be excellent for hot hook-ups. But between them, you can expect to be cut, squished, bitten by bugs and stuffed full of sand. Some might call that less “awesome” and more “humiliating and painful.”
Of course, there are always different strokes for different folks…
False Fantasy #1: The Haystack
“A roll in the hay” is a popular American idiom for a quick and painless sexual encounter. But have you ever rolled in hay? Or even touched it? It’s rough. It’s itchy. And it will CUT YOU faster than a Ritalin-popping teenager with Mom’s razor. Add the potential for various creepy-crawlies and Rodents of Unusual Size, and you have an experience more befitting a Turkish prison than a romance novel.
False Fantasy #2: The Beach
Blast you Hollywood! Who doesn’t watch the famous scene in “From Here to Eternity” and want to be swept into similar passion – waves crashing over sun-kissed hot bodies rolling in the silt? Sounds like a dream…
But the dream is a lie. One word: Sand. Sand everywhere. Between your toes, in your eyes, up your nose and yes, in the unmentionable areas – most of all in the unmentionable areas. Unless peeing shore grit for days is a personal goal, beach sex should be more of a pariah than Casey Anthony.
False Fantasy #3: The Mile High Club
The myth of the Mile High Club as a source of male and female arousal is potent in our United States. Perhaps it’s the plethora of transatlantic flights, but Americans seem particularly compelled to have intercourse in tiny plastic bathrooms, mere feet from their fellow passengers.
These brave (idiotic) souls, jacked up on half-cans of Diet Coke and mini-pretzels, sneak their way into airline commodes, determined to do the nasty. Sometimes they succeed – to be faced upon exit with scowling flight attendants and the reak of unchanged diapers.
But who are these people who want to have sex in the aviation industry’s version of a clown car? Most people find airline travel uncomfortable enough without adding a bout of Trashy Toilet Twister to the equation.
False Fantasy #4: The Woods
Ever since Lady Chatterley spent a few salacious afternoons banging her gamekeeper in the forest, literature has judged the woods to be a sexy, humping Mecca. But it’s fairly apparent that D.H. Lawrence didn’t actually spend his sexy time outside. Between the sticks, rocks, broken bottles, used condoms, Snickers wrappers and random pieces of crime scene tape, the last place you should be getting naked is under the elms.
And, if that’s not enough to convince you, consider bird poop. Nothing kills the mood like being torpedoed by a loogie of white, gloppy avian excrement.
So there you have them: Four legendary locations that may not live up to the sexy images created by books and movies. We invite you to visit them for yourselves and share your experiences below.